Wednesday, November 19, 2008

it hurts.

i cant do it anymore.
all i wanna do in life right now is cry myself to sleep and never wake up.
everything hurts so much...everything is so bleak and i dont know why.

i cant....take it....any more.

i have accepted the fact that my life is going no where. Isnt that sad?
a girl who could have had everything but lost it due to a fucking mistake that everyone atleast makes once in their life. And i made it and lied and now...now it feels like its going down into a dark spiral.

i just want to scream as loud as I can and make someone notice me!!!!! i know i people that love me and tell me they know me as well as they know themselves...but its all a lie! A LIE! NO ONE KNOWS ME!!!!

i wish...oh i wish that I could escape the life I made for myself...without making anyone upset. i need comfort that no one can give me right now and I will probably never get that for a while anyway. I want...so badly to...to change who I am, but its not happening and I am not stopping myself.

is someone stopping me out there? A Deity? A God? My own Human Subconscious?!!! WHY CANT I FIND THE ANSWERS!!!!
i cant believe that I am rambling on again. Here I sit, a computer in my schools computer lab, trying to hold back in my tears from exploding, I dont even know why I feel so emotional and weepy all the time. God I am a wreck...officially a real wreck.

can i get past this? how do i get past this? what the hell should i try to get past?
i dont even know myself anymore, and I am so scared, so scared that no one can see it...see what is in me.

i
need
a
rescue

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

no words

.life as we know it is over.
.new president elected.
.transition from republican to democratic.
.i hope that the Obama Legacy fails miserable and Hiliary Clinton runs and win in 2012.
.
i still get to go to presidential classroom in the winter.

oh yea.

boo.boo.boo.boo.

its the end of the world as we know it.


and I dont feel fine.

I voted.
i wanted neither mccain/palin and barack/biden. its upsetting already.
is it wrong for me to want like a hybrid of all their policies and create like
a super version of a them...and have that person run as a president?

seriously. i would like to say one last thing.

IF YOU KEEP SAYING YOUR GONNA FREAKING LEAVE THE COUNTRY IF YOUR SUPPOSED CANDIDATE FOR THE PRESIDENCY DOES NOT WIN.....DO US A FAVOR AND LEAVE....GO AWAY...NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR WHINING!!!!!!

Monday, November 3, 2008

ch ch ch changes...changes <3

so here is an update on my life:

a)its official....i am transferring out of KBCC...to either three different colleges and none of them will be Adelphi...since I need to try a new thing. But my major is still gonna be Secondary Education also known as Adolescence Education in Social Studies (History).

b)getting everything through Transfer offices at KBCC sucks...especially when you try and visit your advisor, its like fucking horrible, excuse my language...but its like a pain in the ass. Guess I will just have to get in touch with the people in transfers at KBCC for everything....oh well. they will love me!

c)seriously...i need to get out of kbcc and go to a dorm setting. i am so ready since I doing good academically wise, so its like Yea For Me!!!

d)i vote for the first time tomorrow and its mcain' O8 baybeh!!!

arghhh


TRANSFERING SOON AND THAN I WILL BE FREEE!!!!