Friday, November 27, 2009

movie rambles.

so i recently got back into the Trek fandom, after leaving it for a while and it made me really happy to be back in a fandom that is so accepting and incredible. it also helps that Star Trek is no longer something to hid about, with the successful reboot of STAR TREK from the director skills of JJ Abrams and his fantastic team of writers and producers, the casting of Chris Pine(Kirk), Zachary Quinto(Spock) and Karl Urban(McCoy) and the rest of the cast (because that was spot on).

as the rumors fly around about the sequel, who'd be brought in, which characters, which direction will it go and dabble in? As a fan and a fan of thriller based movies (not just horror, but movies that have an intellectual background), i'd like to see the writers take cues from the television show, primarily in the way of Conscience of the King(, City on the Edge of Forever (, The Immunity Syndrome (, Amok Time( just to give a few ideas out there and hopefully introduce more people to what started it off (the original television episodes in the 1960's).

with that ramble out of the way, here comes the next part of my rambling, which is prospective casting in the sequel for any characters they decide to bring in. Exception is that in Abrams' Star Trek, Chapel's name is mentioned but isn't seen, so i am ignoring that for "wishful" casting. Keeping it to TOS Characters to be brought in, these names pop up: Janice Rand, Lt.Christine Chapel, Lt.Dr.Jabilo M'Benga, Lt. Kyle, Lt. Kevin Riley, Lt. Gary Mitchell, and Lt.Commander Giotto and here are my wish actors or those i think would do a good guy (for reference, the new crew of the Enterprise are all in their early, mid, late twenties and thirties)

Why did I choose these actors, you're probably asking me but for me, its about the looks and how i see the characters from the TOS to changing in to possible Abram's characterization. And some of this may seem like extra fannish but whatever. I know the probability of this happening is slim and rare but doing this makes me happy.

Yeoman Janice Rand as Emma Rigby.

Lt. Christine Chapel as Bryce Dallas Howard

Lt. Dr.Jabilo M'Benga as Shemar Moore or Leonard Roberts or Noel Clarke

shemar___________ leonard______________ noel

Lt. Kyle as Russell Tovey

Lt. Kevin Riley
as Matt Cohen

Lt. Gary Mitchell
as Mark Lawson

Lt. Commander Giotto
as Mark Harmon

Saturday, September 19, 2009

little under a month.

Okay, so its been like a bit under a month and not a lot has changed but things are brightening up for me. And this is just a few of the not-so-so-changes occuring:

1) A few more weeks until my road test (need to practice my turns, parallel parking and stopping at the line)
3) I have lost at least three pounds since four weeks ago and losing more!
4) Kate & Noel's second "unofficial-official" wedding in December
5) Susan's first Cancer Benefit she throws in October
6) Boondock Saints II comes out nd I'm going to the midnight showing when its out

more later.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

this is what my life has come down to

Basically here it goes. i've been talking to a few good people so far for the past two months or so, & i've discovered that the basis of our convo's involve movies, sex, twitter and star trek . so i decided to condense everything for prosperity's sake, and for my own because i read it and laugh so hard.

I forgot that IN AUSTRALIA PHONES FUCK UP THE DATE? THEN WHO WAS PHONE? APPARENTLY and dates fuck up your phone but only peripherally THATS BULLSHT THEY'RE PRECIOUS THAT'S WHY with pictures is sex a caricature though too if it weren't for physics and law enforcement, i'd be unstoppable oohhh, when mixing paint becomes fun..hmm way with words and probably a way with his tongue and like, keeping it in my pocket and I'd hit it I DROVE ALL NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT, TO GET TO YOU they’re the same character and pushed off the cliff known as Avant Garde while I lost my marbles and rode the pine pony at my local theater, it was fun brace? Brave. IT IS ah that suit is sweeeeet. Its so cracked out all do is giggle like a drunk because it was simply simple in its simple simplicity that happy rules unless you've done something retarded Still Sells Albums, YES DO IT That’s Why I WILL LATER but...I'm trying to read this. BUT he’s dead so how, he can't tweet? swoon and jizz PLEAAAAASE HAI HAI OMG in that photo LOOK AT HIS BUTTONS and and and STRIDE IS A CONDOM COMPANY for the DAZZLING DEADWARD CULLEN BY ATLEAST 4,OOO did not notice but "dude chill" I GOT THIS and kirk's all, "you've been punked!" taquitos! BECAUSE IT CAME WITH TEXAS TOAST AND GRAVY HOLLAAAAA ) amazing.wait no. exciting intense. well it's community college did not like read it in 1 day "and I AM COMPULSIVE when depressed" maigcal pretty things; I knowwww, I just wanna lick his lips I just wanna lick him. and i'd die a happy happy girl so quiet yeah odd LOUD NOISES poppin lol

Friday, July 24, 2009


so this weekend, well sunday actually, is going to be my first hangout/get together with a few of the fabulous peeps at ONTD_Star Trek over on live journal. I am really excited because I've seen photos of other meet-ups and I always wanted to go because they looked like so much fun and now i have my chance.

Basically, we are going to brunch and than roam around and go back to one of the girl's apartments in the village to hang out and basically relax with Star Trek and some good times. Finally people who enjoy Star Trek, at least i wont get made fun of for liking it, and not just the movie...I am talking about the original series with Shatner and Nimoy & Kelly and the movies. So i'll talk more when thats over and done with.

drivers ed is coming along, although i am procrastinating. i do want to learn how to drive but i am not ready to actually take my road test. I need to practice some more and everyone who i would practice with as the idea that i'll be fucking perfect at it because my dad was like that. Guess what I am good at academics but I suck at driving....accept it as fucking facts okay AND we will all be happy in the long. I do not like that people are pushing me, it fucking sucks.

the summer is going pretty well although i need to send out my shit to SCSU and Brooklyn College again to transfer for the Spring Semester. Really should hop on that, shouldn't I?
Saw Transformers 2 & Harry Potter 6---- go see them!

Monday, July 6, 2009


i have come to accept something that has been following me for the past couple of years and it is something that is highly depressive; i am alone in the sense of friendship.
What is wrong with this sentence? I am a sweet, outgoing, loyal, funny, person who would do anything for their friend and would rather hang out at a small restaurant with good stories and good food than get piss drunk and forget the night. If you need me, I will be there as soon as possible. So why is that I cannot keep a friend, or the friendship fades, along with me in it?

I look at my facebook a lot and see everyone with updated photos of going out with friends and doing random crap. I see all their smiling faces, joyous expressions, cuddling with friends, boyfriends and girlfriends, i see posts on their wall discussing things gone by and "ohmygodimissandloveyou" or "rememberthattimeyoudidthatthingthatwecantdiscussandMAGICWORD" and poof instant replies. but when i try and ask people to get together, they are ignored or are brushed off and get responses like "maybe next time", "oh def, we should do something soon" or or the best one of all "i don't know". It hurts. it hurts really really bad.

i feel as if I am doing something wrong and no one will tell me. i understand that some people will be closer to others and i am totally cool with it. i just want to have at least one friend who wont mind when i am emotionally confused or emotionally drunk and all i really want is to have a non-sexual cuddle to make me feel better, i want someone to not make fun of me for like geeky things and being geeky at times. I want to know that if i tell some person my deep fears, regrets, secrets, hopes and dreams that i wont be made fun of and they wont be like "thats stupid" or just brush it off. Sometimes i cry myself to sleep to purge my emotions but it never works and makes me feel even worse.

for flying fuck sakes, my parents are starting to take a proactive interest in this by explaing to me that sometimes friends fade away for a reason and its normal. my family is pushing me into doing this and that, the are even pushing for me to go to the bars by myself and drink to meet people. I don't want that, i want the people i call friends to ask ME TO DO SHIT. i always ask to do something or make plans and it never works, always fall through.

i beg and plead and pray and ask on everything that is sacred, holy and precious that i am sent a good friend who wont abandon me or ridicule me or take me for granted. just let me have one non-sexual emotionally connection to a person. i need it. i dont want to be alone any more

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Happy Belated Fourth of July

July 3rd: Beach all day. Did not get sunburnt. Went to G's BBQ who made an amazing sticky chicken-kabobs. Drank and went home. Cousins arrived at 10:45pm from VA.

July 4th: Shannon and Sean visited with Sean's girlfriend Mary (she's cool), Sean is going to twenty-nine palms in California on the 10th, so I got a chance to say goodbye. (Shannon and their other brother T.J will be back next week to visit more relatives are coming in). Went to the horribly, horribly sunburnt- My neck, my chest, my lower chest, my upper right thigh, my ankles and feet are all red and painful. Alcohol dulled the throbbing pain, had fun partying with the relatives and watched fireworks.

July 5th: saw Star Trek (bootleg DVD from UES) and decided that if UFP & Starfleet really did exist I would apply to be a communications officer and have sexy time in space (of course I'd be on the Enterprise). Also I am starting to believe that Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto are having a massive relationship that prounces on what is defined as a "Bromance" in todays world.
They share clothes and a trainer and loads of other things. THERE WILL BE A SEQUEL!

I'm currently abusing soothe-a-caine at the moment and massive amounts of extra-strength Advil to dull the pain. And spraying my body with Bath and Body Work's Cucumber Melon body spray to not have the smell of the sooth-a-caine. I wish I had my cuddle partner.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

week things...oh

saw transformers 2 by myself. awesome kick-ass killer summer blockbuster. i recommend everyone to go see it.

things: my driver's ed instructor. yes i am twenty and taking driver's ed now...i took AP and Honor classes while working two jobs in high school, I barely had any me time or even time to hang out with my friends. So i decided to take it now (well after being hounded my parents & neighbors to do so over a span of six months- i like the metro, sue me!). stupid bitch doesn't have to raise her voice and put me down, make me feel like shit.

death: buried my great aunt, my mom lost an old friend who died, and her bff's mom is currently on the cusp of death. And people in Hollywood have been falling off the branches :Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon, Billy Mays, Michael Jackson all dead. Kinda sad...not gonna lie....everyone just fading away and dieing, so not cool. May all their souls rest in peace.

happy: summer is here, going back to tanning and the beach, no hard work right now. i figured out what i want to do one day in the summer; rent some movies, order some delicious food and sit in my back yard with my laptop with my feet in a kiddie pool and lounge with friends for a movie marathon. it'll happen but since my friends aren't in to the whole "movie marathon with no purpose" oh well

and this ends my sad and short post about the nothing that currently is my summer life.

Monday, June 15, 2009

the rains in june brings sadness in two's.

i said it.
i have a dislike of summer.

summer has its perks, the beach, the sun, a fruity frozen drink, umbrellas, and the scent of the sun, beach, water, soft fragrances, and tan lotions creates a scent that is very precise to beach communities, along with the bon-fires on the beach, bbq's parties, and flip flops. We have off from school for about two months and we can work, spend all hours of the day with friends.

but personally, a lot of heavy shit happens to me.

for the past couple of summers, i have had to bury close family and friends, in the literal and metaphorical sense as well. And it appears that this summer is not going to be any different. My Great-Aunt, who is technically the Matriarch of my very large family is quite ill, and has taken a turn for the worse. No one knows if she can survive the week, and that is quite sad. I hate having the feeling loom over you, as you know what is gonna happen and you try to brace yourself for it but when you do that, it hits you harder and crueler than expected.

My Great-Aunt was the first person in the family to fully accept my mom was my Dad's girlfriend and later on wife, after he divorced his first wife (who is a confused and messed-up bitch) whereas the rest of the family thought that Dad and the Bitch would get back together again and took a while to accept it. So I had loved my Great Aunt for being the first to accept my mom and that she was an amazing woman of character, grace and one of the most honest and blunt women I have ever known and probably will ever know. Not to mention that this leaves my Grandmother completely alone, she had to bury her husband on Christmas, her second oldest son after the last family trip in July 2008, her Husband's brother on Thanksgiving 2008 and now quite possible will have to bury her sister, her last relative in the US.

This is what is hovering in my life right now.
Also: I did not get accepted into SUNY New Paltz, CUNY Brooklyn College because although my gpa was in the 3.0^ range, it is too competitive. I was saddened. But a positive is that i have my learner's permit and being driver's ed tomorrow, along with summer classes to keep my busy.

more later.

Friday, May 1, 2009

still trying to think catchy

Decided that it might be a good idea to start writing at the like the beginning and ends of the month now to keep up a rhythm of sorts, and to make sure that I will actually write about things that I find important.

Its still has been odd weather. And quite annoying as well. Its the end of April and we have been having messed up weather. It goes from 30 to 50 back to 40 to 70 and than down to 50 and than raises up to the mid 80 (this is all degrees). And as of right now...a killer rain storm! And i mean killer, its pouring down in an aggressive manner (if thats even possible). I keep hoping for a really really good thunder and lightening show tonight!

Okay, off that and now on to my schooling; everything has gotten significantly better, even Spanish! I also found out that for my Spanish credits to be passed onto Brooklyn College, I have to take Spanish II over the summer (another summer spent in class!) and I hope hope hope that i do not get stuck with the teacher I have now. History and Psych are going quite well, i just need to catch up on some last pieces of homework and papers and viola! Lastly is my Intro to Bio class. The professor is a funny old man but gives horrible lab tests, meaning the questions are so hard to answer since they are copied from a paper he hand writes on, and its the things you would never think to study, the final is cumulative, and TWO TERM PAPERS!!!!

I am planning a trip to the big library in the city to do a major haul-ass research trip. for the term papers.
Also this weekend, I need to finish my project on Spain and I also need to type up my Observation reports for psych. (they are being handed in late, still hope I do a good job though)

I bought myself a a tanning package at the local salon, 22 sessions to help my white-ass become tan for the summer!
it was nice to spoil myself!

Past this, this is where i need the help:
i am also doing an overhaul of working out tomorrow. Bikes, Weights, Stretches, Stationary Bikes and the oh so funny Dance Dance Revolution [i use it as a relaxer and something that is good for my legs]. If anyone has any ideas of what else I could or should do or use, please comment and help me out!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

to hide and to seek, is not a child's game anymore;

sad title isn't it?
how pathetic...the point of where my life pathetic.

nothing is going right. i feel myself slipping, continuously slipping, into something i cannot recognize anymore. Am i myself any more? Am I still the bright precocious child that brought a smile to everyone's face and lifted a bit of sadness off shoulders? Am I a good daughter, raised by wonderful parents and overcame obstacles in my life that could have ruined it? Am I still the good friend that stood by their side through thick and thin, through suffering and happiness?

I look in the mirror and cannot recognize my own self now. I see a sad and tired young girl whose "eyes have dulled" and feels older than she is, I see a brunette who shined but now fades away when she tries and messes up. People tell me they see a beautiful, pretty, independent brunette with open eyes and caring smile...I guess they see the mask I carry on all the time, when I wake up to when I sleep.

i can be honest and open here. i am sitting here, on the floor of my basement, thinking about my life, and trying to pinpoint where everything went wrong...and why do i have the pit of despair in my stomach, playing creeper to my sanity. Is this what it feels like to be alone in a warm room with warm people? I don't like it, not one bit. Can I change it? How can I get the warmness back?

I have family that I love and care for, I include the small dear group of friends that I have who have been there for me and tell me my mistakes, my faults, my positives, my things. This is a little light that tries to be a bigger light, and it sucks. Maybe i should listen to my mom and see about trying to find that spark i had growing up, maybe as much as I fight it that I should do it.

maybe it is time to try and find God again.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

way down the lights are dim...

In 14 days, I turn 20.
Officially out of my teens and in to my phase 2 of the young adult years. And want to know something, I am not really that excited about it. Another hoo
ray and another year older according to the calender and my internal clock which hates me.

So..other than being the up and coming thing in my life, wanna know where my friends are going to take me to my 20th birthday? Amanda, my amazing bffl, rounded up some people and are taking me to LIPS! Yes, my friends are dragging me to a Drag Queen Restaurant in the city (website-
Gotta love my friends.
They know how to entertain me....these are my buddies from High School, so its also a reunion of sorts really and i am truly excited. AND on the same spectrum: The girls and guys from LI/AU are thinking of taking me to Lucky Cheng's (website- in the city, which is another Drag Queen Restaurant in the city, after my birthday (due to the fact that their spring break is during my birthday) and I will have most likely gone to not one but TWO DRAG DINING EXPERIENCES in one month. Boy, will it be an experience..and i get the ability to judge both, kinda.

I have also discovered the love of new artists [well new to me, old to some others] and these have been playing on my itunes for about a week straight. A few of them I ca
n name off the top of my head are
  1. Metisse,
  2. Belle & Sebastian,
  3. The Boy Least Likely to,
  4. The Bird and The Bee,
  5. Melissa Ferrick,
  6. Majandra Delfino,
  7. The Toadies
  8. Esthero
  9. hypercrush,
  10. honey honey,
  11. the Wombats, just to name a few!
Its kinda flowing from Indie, Alternative, Acoustic and Cabaret. With a smidge of the ever lovable and amazing John Barrowman, who really does have a good voice (and the fact that he is Captain Jack, is a plus plus!!!)


Sunday, January 25, 2009

effin new post

hear ye, hear ye. i bringth new blog.

i have a new catchy title now. So currently it is the year 2009 and I had the chance to attended Obama's Inauguration with the most amazing people ever, my caucus 9 folks from Presidential Classroom. I love them all soo much and I really really really do miss them. See the things we did and went through, others don't go through so you get to make a bit of a connection. Waking up at like 2:30 in the morning to get on a bus and walk all around DC from like 6am till 2pm creates a bond of water breaks and bad blisters and the inability to walk in heels at your Inaugural Ball. So to my caucus 9 buds and everyone else I meet, and my roommates, i love all you <3!>

Well currently, I am in the process of planning my twentieth birthday party; which is in the process of choosing a concert or a comedy club, and the comedy club looks like it is winning since it will be much more doable for the people I want to be there for, and that means my AU girls and guys and maybe my cousin Kat
ye would wanna come. Anywhoo, i need to get everything figured since for all the places a reservation is a must when having parties over like eight people and all over age eighteen and we basically all are. And I am just really really excited to actually be able to sit down and watch a comedy show, wish I could drink but a fake id will solve that problem. and right now i am watching E and procrastinating my homework. ahh the life of the college student.

Monday, January 5, 2009

effin new year


its the new year already. 2009...can you believe it?! hardly a year to be excited about in my opinion.

i hate that i am slowly becoming not-so-excited for the new year to come, kinda find it redundant a bit? is that wrong that i really dont want to celebrate in the fact that I failed multiple times in 2008 and that there is an equal to greater chance that I will do only 15% better than last year. Welcome to my Life.

And i have heard so many people tell me that, "it get better with age"; "all the bad that happens know will one day bring you so much good"; ""its your stop moaning and do something"

it is sad and miserable but nice and peaceful. double oxymoron? i would gather to guess. I have come to learn that I say that I am gonna do this or I am gonna do that, and I give an attempt but it never works out and I try to do everything different and I dont get a change either. Am I doing something so cosmically wrong that this is my punishment!
I have given all my efforts and haven't had the chance to have any of my spoils.....other people get their spoils for their efforts. One example is that I try to eat health and work out to keep me healthy but then family events happen and it knocks me off my game plan and BAM...i fail, again. I am not the smartest, nor the prettiest, nor am I the one with the street smarts or brave even, those positions belong to others in my family.

You know the old nursery rhymes about the day you child is born.
I was born on a Monday (not on a Friday like I was lead to believe) and I definitely dont fit what it says.

"Monday's child is fair of face."
And that is not what I would describe myself. But it is what I want to be.
And like I promise to myself, that I am gonna make the changes and do what is necessary to make sure it stays...even If I have to some drastic things to make sure that it does happen, than I will. I would rather be pretty than healthy. it is sad to say but the unannounced pressure one side of my family gives off, is enough to drive any one crazy.

Wish me Luck that I succeed
and pray that I dont need to
take drastic measures.